Round 2.

The fine art of heckling.

Heckling is a trade that can only be mastered over time, it isn't something that just comes to you overnight. I have a long history of doing dumb stuff in public just to get some attention. Everything from throwing a water balloon into a convertible during a parade(hey the lady dared me, what can I say), to standing up in the middle of a packed theatre in the cities when I was around twelve saying in my worst Austrailian accent that I was from the outback. Back on the main topic though, while heckling there are some things to think about. It is possible you could be a complete asshole and be a terrible heckler. You have to have a sense of humor about it, you have to learn to adapt to your suroundings, and you have to know enough about whom you are heckling(you don't want to run out of insults afterall). It is always a positive to have a good buzz going while you are ripping into an opposing team's player. Hell it helps out anytime you plan on yelling some nonsense while there are thousands of people around you. We had a great time spitting "hot fire" at Tejada in Milwaukee. My cousin got him best with "Hey Miguel, why don't you act your age, if you know what it is." Of coarse this was right after it came out that he lied about his age on his visa to play baseball in America. It doesn't always matter if your victim can hear you either, as I explain in my next story.

I really heckled Bill Hall the next time we went down for the Mets series on Labor Day weekend. Which didn't make too much sense, due to us being in the opposite end of the field from him. He couldn't hear us, but there was an annoying family in front of us who were big Bill Hall fans, so I kept going. I almost felt bad when the boy sitting in front of us gave me a nasty glare, the which I slurred, "Hey kid, it's not my fault Bill Hall is a terrible ball player." Oops, I'd like to say I wouldn't do it again, but who am I really kidding. When a guy is chanting "straw wrapper, staw wrapper" at falling straw wrappers from the seats above us, you gotta give him hell. This is the kind of annoying fan who tries to cheer up a whole section by himself, you know the type. He stands up and starts the "slow clap" trying to entice other fans to get in on it, and when nobody does he sits down and says, "Well I guess nobody else is a real fan like I am". This dumb son of a bitch yelled at his wife for not cheering with him, picked his kids pizza up off the floor and tried to get the poor kid to eat it and yelled at his daughter for cheering at the wrong time. This is why I had no problem farting during the whole game and blaming it on this loser. Let me tell ya, they were some bombs. I got away with it until they left the game early and I kept farting. But hey, thats what some Popeyes chicken/night of drinking will do to a guys rectum.

Keep on letting the players hear it, you are paying them after all by buying the tickets, may as well get your money's worth.

But there are many more farting/poop stories for the future.
Till next time, I'm out.
Ronald